My heart is soo FAR AWAY
Have I told you how much I hate waiting? I hate waiting and wondering because my mind tends to wonder and a wondering mind gets me no where except worry lines. Lol. No really it does in the middle of my forehead. I know it's probably because he's busy and he did tell me had an upcoming project but wasn't sure how much he could actually tell me and after I wrote him back and asked if it was anythi g that I should be worried about, he didn't write back or call. It's sunday night now and he hasn't called ALL day. That's not normal for him, that and I have to work tomorrow, again something unusual because I don't work Monday's but I'm filling in for another co-worker. I don't mind that so much but what if he calls? My life right now works around him and when he's gonna call me. I miss him so much! I hate sleeping alone and the more I think about it and the closer it gets to his return the more anxious I get and the less sleep I get as well. You know I stay away from the news and the papers and really anything to do with Iraq and the war but on occasion I do randomly pick up a magazine and read whatever articles are in them. I read about how close some troops get to coming home but go on one last mission and I can't help but relate it to him right now. I don't know it's all too confusing. All I want is him right now. I want him home with me, with his family. Is that selfish of me to think that to want that. My heart aches when I think of him being that far away but I will be so glad when he gets home. Alright, my movies over, my worries are very broad and I need to get some sleep.
Labels: falling in love, Him., Iraq, worries
Why be Responsible??
The topic of tonight is RESPONSIBILITY. I don't know why I've been thinking about it latley but I have a lot. I guess with me getting married and wanting to start a family with him and juggling school and work right now, it's just something I'm constantly thinking about. That and my roommate and her kid. I know it's not something I need to think about but I can't help but worry about that kid, it's definatley a kid raising a kid and it's a little unnerving. I was talking to my dad tonight about it and he made valid points and excuses for her but that's what they were: EXCUSES. It's hard for me to say but I think that her son is better off with his grandmother than he is with her. She's just not responsible enought to raise him properly and effectivley, she barely has him as it is and what's the point of lugging that poor baby in and out of the house in the cold weather for no reason. I know I know, none of my business right well it's not really but in a way I make it my business. I can't help it. I was fortunate enough to have a dad that cares about my well being and raised with with certain ethics that now I am absolutley greatful for. I know that he's here to support me no matter what but still, the way I see it is everyone has a choice in life and if they can't be responsible and take care of business they should of made a better choice in life. Yea, it's all a gamble but you have to choose what's best and if you make the wrong choice then you need to man/woman up to those choices. I guess I'm just irritated and what not. I dunno.. a lot of shits happened in the last little while that I am absolutley excited for but then am terrified about it at the same time. Lol. I know I know why do I have to be so damn complicated. Lol..
I emailed my honey today and I think I want to postpone the wedding for just a little while longer. I'm not backing out but going back to all my responsibilities, I just don't want to jump into anything I can't handle. I love him and I want to marry him and be with him, but I did talk to his mom today and she made good points. I know him as one thing and NOT as another and I want to know ALL of him before hand. I can't be responsible and work on moving down there if I'm working on planning a wedding and a family, so first things first, get down there with him and go from there. I was moving down there even before he and I got together so I gotta take care of me before I can take care of US. You know?? I love him and I want to be with him, I just need to figure out the real us before I jump into the rest of our lives deal. I'm not one to take marriage lightly, my ex needed a lot of growing up to do and I think that's mainly why it never happened for us, that and it wasn't meant to be, and now that I look back that's okay cause I met a wonderful man through him and my life is that much more satisfying. I think it was fate, yes, I'm a believer of fate and I believe that this was suppose to happen.
Anyways.. I gotta get some homework done so imma head out.. Night
Labels: Family, Life, Love, marriage, responsibilities
I wonder if it's true...
I decided the other day that I was gonna get married in July, my sister and I were planning already, my mom was asking about when so she can take time off, and my dad was ready to give me away. Lol. In a way I was just joking around but when I talked to my honey, he was as serious as I was. lol. I was so excited to hear that, he said he was thinking bout it too and was thinking bout asking me when he got home. My familia was SO excited, I really can't wait to be his wife. Sounds funny coming from me cause I was so against marriage and what not but for some reason I want to live my life with him, I'm falling completley in love with him. Whenever my phone rings my stomach drops and my heart skips a beat when I know he's gonna call. I'm hoping he's being serious and I think he is cause when I brought it up and talked to him about it, he said we'd tell his parents together when he got home so I am really excited. I was gonna go visit him mom today but he reminded me that she was gonna be in London for about a week. My sister is already making plans for about September but I think we might wait a little bit longer. I guess it really depends on what he says when he gets home. I don't know if I told you but I'm moving to SD in August, that was planned before the whole marriage idea was brought up. I was talking to my best friend over the weekend and she was worried about me moving with her still and of course I am cause if that's one thing about me, when I say I'm gonna do something, I do it. I brought the idea up to my honey and he was like "What your gonna make me live in the barracks?". Silly silly boy, he's moving in with us. LOL. I know probably not as entertaining to you as it is me, but I thought he was cute. We're all gonna live together and I'm juiced for that. lol. I know silly huh but I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I guess it's true, your best friend makes the perfect spouse. lol. I can't wait!!
Did I tell you that I got a new job in Orinda? I work as an MA in a medical office mostly for Geriatric patients. We have some primary patients, pediatric patients, Internal Disease patients, Endocrinology patients, etc. It's alright I guess, pays the bills and helps me save so I can move. It's challeging I think cause there's 4 doctors in the office and you have to cater to ALL of them, but I guess it's beneficial in the long run. I'm gonna start looking for a job in SoCal in June I think. So yea, anyways.. I'll hit it up in a bit... Late
