Anywhere but Here

I guess I forgot

How much I missed being here.

The peacefulness of my surroundings.

How the wind talks to you in the quiet and how loud it makes your heart sound.

How everything about here makes you appreciate your life.

Mostly, I guess I forgot how quickly a stroll down the road in the forest puts you life in perspective.


I'm here at my dad's house visiting for a week or so and after my walk, I can't believe how much I needed this. I needed to come here to get away to put life's little things in perspective. To remember exactly what I have and appreciate it. Being here is a great way to reconnect with yourself and you life. It's wonderful and exactly what I needed. I remember now why I miss home so much and how much I realize that San Diego's busy-ness really isn't for me. For us. We're more laid back lake/river type of people who love the tranquil feeling that this place makes you feel.


I walked the same road I've always walked, especially when I was down, with Izzy and just remembered how nice the wind felt on the back of my neck. Sean and I have been talking about whatever catches our minds pretty much and it's been great. Today, I went to go delete some of his junk mail from his email account and found an email directing him to his old Xanga account. He used to blog there when him and his ex-girlfriend broke up or had problems, and even though there weren't very many entries, I read them anyways. They made me sad, really sad. He was in so much pain then but at the same time he was such a hopeless romantic. I sat here reading and telling our daughter [who is in my tummy at the moment, lol =)] how sweet and romantic her daddy is. The funny thing is, is that in one of his entries he pretty much explained how he was looking for us. For our relationship, and who knew that only 2 yrs after the fact, he would find exactly what he was looking for with me. His entries made want to cry because he was so hurt and depressed then, but I look at what we have now and I hope that he doesn't feel that way, that I never make him feel that way. I hope that he knows I love him more than life itself and I would be so lost without him.


Because I'm nosey as well, I looked up his ex-girlfriends Xanga blog, not because I'm jealous or wanna spy but just because I'm curious to know how her life has progressed since we all parted ways. To be honest, she's depressed and miserable and hasn't found what Sean and I have. I'm not gloating because we have such a good life together, but more sympathetic to her. I feel for her just as I feel for him when he was depressed. Now she knows how he felt during that time. Like I said though, I feel for her loneliness and almost want to reach out to her and tell her I understand, but being the ex-friend of hers, the wife and mother of her ex, probably isn't going to make her feel any better. Idk.


After reading his posts and taking my walk I remembered and had the time to listen to my heart again. It keeps telling me the same thing I've known everyday for the past year almost. That he is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. In a little over a month, we'll be celebrating our first anniversary, and even though we've had our hard times, I would be so lost without him. My heart tells me everyday that I made the right choice in saying yes to him when he asked to marry him. The right choice when I look at him or listen to him and know how much he loves me and his family. Through thick and thin, we're 2 peas in a pod. I just hope he knows how much I appreciate and reciprocate his feelings. I love that man!!

Labels: Babies, marriage, Relationships

posted by Inkedfemme @ 2:37 PM