Anywhere but Here

Thoughtfulness

Okay, so I'm sure that you've noticed me here more and more latley, mostly because I have something on my mind that I can't seem to fix. I've also shown and made questionable blogs that may or may not have been inappropriate for the few readers I get but this is ALL me people, and without knowing the essence of me well then I am simply nothing to you, as I am to many other people. Nothing!! Untouchable, unnoticed, another warm body in the world. In many aspects this may be true, especially to those who do not know me and it scares me. All the people in the world who do NOT know me. Or rather I don't know. My family loves me and the few people I choose to keep close love me, but latley I am coming to find out that those I hold closest to me are in fact liars and are untrustworthy. You see my "friend", the one I mentioned many times before, was calling my best friend behind my back and the two of them were talking about me, but what if it was more? She, being my best friend, has done stupid shit before I at the time I didn't say anything about it because it was just some stupid guy, but the fact is she knew I liked him more than just a friend, and she still messed around with him. What makes this time any different? I don''t seem to know who I can trust anymore. I have trust issues as it is with people. My "friend" is untrustworthy to me because I told him things in confidentiality and he told someone else. If I wanted her to know, I would have told her, you know? It just all frustrates me.

Lastly, which needs a paragraph of its own, my friend K is so full of herself, it frustrates me even more. Today I went to my friend M's house to hang out and we were gonna go shopping, anyways, as she and I were talking she asked me if I talked to K, and naturally I said no because I hadn't. Well I guess M asked her if she was going to be an MA forever or if she had plans on moving forward in her career and education and then went on to tell her about my educational goals and how I wanted to be a Midwife. I response, K was like "oh yea I want to be a midwife and that's why L, being me, wants to be one". I was a little irritated at that comment and the more it sat on me the more irritated I got, mainly because I know almost the exact hour I wanted to become a midwife. Can she? It was the hours my sister was in labor with my last nephew and my godson. After my nephew was born, I sat talking with her midwife ,who had just delivered my little, and asked her all about becoming a midwife. At about 12:30 a.m. on May 24, after witnessing the birth of my nephew and the after birth of her placent, I decided to become a Midwife. Can K say that? I bet not and that's what irritates me. I am nobody's follower and she had absolutley NOTHING to do with my future goals for myself. I thought I would vent that and share my frustrations.

Things for me are decent right now so I am gonna go lay down and get ready for tomorrow. I'm driving up to Jackson to see my dad. G'night!!!

posted by Inkedfemme @ 9:21 PM