When my heart hurts...
All I can do is cry and continue to feel the pain in my chest. Today was an off day, I dunno, latley everyday seems to be an off day with my depression. I tend to miss him more each day the closer October gets and I just can't handle it. I was looking for pictures today to make a collage for my BF cause she's leaving me in a few weeks and as I was going through them, I came upon pictures of him that I thought I had put away. Little did I know that I didn't cause this was the first time that I had gone throught the box since we split. I just broke down in tears and continued to cry all the way through them. So in my despair, I needed SOMETHING to do and went to the local Lowe's, picked up some paint and painted 2 of my walls a chocolate brown. I needed a change you know, I needed to get my mind off of it some how and that is exactly what I did. Then, earlier in the day I sent him a quote from Blink 182 just expressing how I missed his friendship and wondered if I would ever find a friend like him again. He sent me a reply and I didn't know how to take it;"I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a
better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love
deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me."
~Panic! At the Disco~
I mean how would you take that? i don't really know, so it's like we're using lyrics to express ourselves but I don't know how to interpret that one and I can't ask him cause he won't answer me. I just miss him talking to me and being my friend cause even after all that I still thought of him as one of my best friends in the whole world and to have that part missing still makes me feel like a part of ME is missing. I don't know if any of this makes any sense to you because I can't figure out if it makes any sense to me not that that makes sense.. Lol.. I just don't know what to think or how to feel. It seems to me like everytime I am vulnerable he does something like this and when i'm okay and strong he doesn't. I just don't understand what the fuck is his problem and what he's thinking when he does shit like this. OMG... I miss him still to this day.. Almost a year later... I'm sorry but I guess I'll go and come back with pictures and stuff of my room manana.. So yea...
posted by Inkedfemme @ 1:10 AM
1 Comments:
I think he just found someone else he's better with.You must take this as part of life.You too must forget about him and get ready for a new relationship with someone else.don't forget that if he lets you down the problem is not in you it's in him as he must not have loved you as much as you did and still do.It's enough to know that he didn't love you and doesn't. But it's not the end of the world.You are still young and I'm sure you will find someone else .But you need to be patient a little bit.Occupy yourself with anything and try to avoid staying alone as much as you can
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